Where do mass murderers come from? Children don’t raise themselves; they were not meant to. And there is not a single gene for mass murder. So, is it possible that mass murderers are raised? Is the characteristic more of nurture than nature? If so, have parents somehow raised mass murderers? Have we been trying to solve the problem of mass murders by looking at the wrong end? Do we now have to start addressing how to avoid raising mass murderers?
Particularly as the gun debate is going nowhere anytime soon. Should we look at the person rather than the instrument? Full disclosure: I am not a gun owner or lover. Rather, as a lover of mankind, I am hoping we can make the world a safer place for our children. Meanwhile, we leave the politicians to do what we pay them to do – argue uselessly and endlessly.
No doubt any who quips “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” will love this question. Nevertheless, we do not ask this question to please anyone, least of all gun promoters. The only reason we address this issue is to ensure that we do all in our power to avoid raising mass murders. We do this to avoid a future where children murder their parents.
For instance, why did Adam Lanza first kill his mother before heading to a school in Sandy Hook? While there, he killed twenty school children and six adults. Does it matter that he later killed himself? These are questions with extremely complex answers, as more psychologists will tell you. Should we therefore simply sit around as our offspring pick us off one after the other?
Our Kids Will Blame Us For Failing To Avoid Raising Mass Murderers?
Or is there anyway – any way at all – that we can avoid raising mass murders, going forward? The parents of James Holmes, another mass murderer are reportedly searching for answers. Here is hoping that not only do they find answers but that they share with us.
Is there coming a time when our children blame us for more than climate change as Greta so graphically declared? There are tales of armed robbers – mass murderers for robbery – have asked for their mothers at the point of execution. They asked because they wanted to publicly demonstrate their disgust at the way their mothers raised them. These were affirming that their parents consented to their death and destruction. Trust me, the bible says so.
The soon-to-be executed robbers felt that their mothers did not avoid raising mass murderers. One reportedly spat in his mother’s face, presumably because his hand was restrained from slapping her. What are we to make of such instances?
And these are not isolated incidents either. In point of fact, The UK Telegraph asks an extremely poignant question. Are you to blame for your child’s mental health issues? It is based on the work of eminent clinical psychologists, chief among whom is Oliver James. That professional holds a not unusual view. “Whatever mental health issues youngsters may have, it’s mostly to parental maltreatment.” Worse still, he concludes that this process is usually unconscious. Brrr.
Psychologists Believe We Can avoid Raising Mass Murderers.
Naturally, no parent sets out to maltreat their child. But in light of these conclusions, how are we to conduct ourselves? Are you maltreating your child when you fail to expose him to the reality of life? You know of parents who cover their child’s eyes when gruesome scenes come on the TV. Is that maltreatment?
This is not to say you should expose your child to extreme violence. However, is there an age-appropriate level of exposure? Because if they leave home totally unaware of the real world, would that not overwhelm them? Is it possible that sudden exposure to the reality of a wicked world is the first step to the mind unraveling? It could be.
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Whereas, a gradual exposure while the child was at home could have better prepared him for the world. At home, you had the chance of exposing him to reality in a non-threatening environment. But you lost that opportunity by overprotecting – albeit unconsciously – him. Over-protectiveness can, therefore, become a form of maltreatment, staying with the Oliver James terminology.
Spare the Rod and Spoil The Child
A few years ago, the nation went into an uproar at the tiger mom’s portrayal of her largely Asian child-rearing strategies. She wrote a book and the country suggested that she was abusing the child. But they have learned how to avoid raising mass murderers. Fortunately, she was able to stand up for herself – against an entire nation of namby-pamby, pampering parents.
We are not pointing fingers but you know parents who apologize to their child after every episode of disciplining him. The question we need to ask our parenting selves is “Who out there will apologize to him?” The answer, of course, is “No one.”
This has not even started on the fact that those who experience this ‘tiger parenting’ are making waves in Ivy league Colleges. This is as the James Holmes of this world drop out of college. You cannot be sure that things were better in the 1800s, as proclaimed in “Little House On the Prairie.” But in those days, they had fewer mental health issues, much less.
In those days too, they only killed for security, not to ‘experience what it feels like to kill’. It is largely because, in those days, they stayed closer to the bible injunction on child-rearing than now. That injunction says “he who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” It is popularly known as spare the rod and spoil the child.
Appropriate Discipline Will Help Us Avoid Raising Mass Murderers
Does this not hark back to Oliver James, the renowned psychologist who opines that we are inadvertently maltreating our children? Does it not suggest that the tiger mom is the one who really loves her child? It suggests that we can actually avoid raising mass murderers and mentally ill youngsters.
The choice is truly ours but it will require a cataclysmic paradigm shift. Naturally not all parents will buy into the ideas in this post and therein lies the problem. We shall not change, not even to avoid raising mass murderers. And we can therefore expect to see an increase in such incidents, more’s the pity.
Of course, our hope is for more parents to raise their children to become hardy. Tough enough to handle the challenges of life.
Maranatha!
